Bizarre Car of the Month: The BMW 7-Series

Comme c’est bizarre! Cars that strike us as nothing else but bizarre tend to boggle our minds, assault our aesthetic tastes, and force us to ask: “Why?” The Bizarre Car of the Month Award for January goes to no other car but the BMW 7-Series.

The History: Woe is the tale of the latest Bavarian flagship. Since its premier in 2002, the “Bangled” 7 has proven to be a mixed blessing for the marque. New Mexican designer Chris Bangle constructed a vehicle that inside and out served as a lightening rod for critics.

Inside, the intimate driver centered cockpit of old was cast aside for a more cavernous Lincoln Town Car-esque luxo-boat interior. One cardinal sin was the relocation of the gear shifter from the console to the steering column. Mr. Bangle must have drawn inspiration from the geriatric friendly Buick LeSabre for that alteration.

Another point for contempt- the ridiculous iDrive.

Once again, BMW sought to break with tradition, which was in this case to provide a button for every function, and simplify matters. There is nothing simple with the 7’s scrolling iDrive. It has become the bane of ergonomic design – though – curiously, Mercedes-Benz has chosen in the new S-Class to adopt the ridiculous feature.

BMW and Mercedes-Benz should take note of the far more user friendly Jaguar and Lexus touch screen systems.

A facelift last year was a vain attempt at reshaping the awkward lines of the ungainly 7. The North American market model series label changed again from 745i/Li to 750i/Li thanks to an increase in engine size. For those weary of constant PC program upgrades, the quick change in model designation serves as ominous omen.

Where the preceding E38 7 (1994-2002) and E32 (1986-1993) were athletic, defined, svelte luxury-sports sedans, the current 7 maintains a bulky heft, incongruent lines, bulbous features, and stands to become dated quickly. For a series that once set the trend for automotive design, this is a significant failure.

However, we must recall that not all BMWs were pretty. The E23 7 (1977-1985) has aged badly. And despite the current 7’s displeasing looks, the car performs better in terms of handling, braking, and acceleration than most of the competition (See Automobiles De Luxe column on Dec. 19, 2005: Jaguar’s New XJ8: More Pace, More Space, Less Grace).

Conclusion: So, while BMW’s current 7 is an aesthetic loser, it does carry on the tradition of driving excellence. However, in order to be “the ultimate” the machine needs to look good. Let’s hope a prettier 7 is in the works for the not so distant future.